I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
