capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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