please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
