So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
