my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Randomize
