I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
you traded sex for a burrito?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
