If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize