: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
