i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
