grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
