I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
