It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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