she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
