so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
MIDGETS
????
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
