matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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