im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
