xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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