two words: eviction party
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
