When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize