Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
