You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
