So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
