does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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