i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Randomize
