YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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