Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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