I hate your face
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
