Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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