Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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