i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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