he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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