508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Oh god it's open bar.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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