Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
