no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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