How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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