God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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