Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize