So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Sext me about skeletons
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
