He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize
