Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
