What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
