I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I want to make a zoo with you.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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