He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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