spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
