I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Randomize
