i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
