I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
