he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
