Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
