How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
