I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
