if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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