they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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