thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
My brain says no but my pants say off.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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