Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
