i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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