hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
