the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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