Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Randomize
