Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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