hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
