sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
