i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
