be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
