We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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