apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
