and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
