Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
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