I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
